Rant: Juno

With the Oscars just days away (and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm SO excited that it's actually going to happen) I need to talk about a blight to the film industry that has somehow slipped its way into everybody's heart:

Juno.

I will admit. I ate up the craze just like everybody else did at first. I saw the trailer and thought it looked cute. I was way excited to see a movie about a regular, sassy girl with some salt in her veins, just like me. 

Then the hype got even worse, and I started to think "Well...Maybe this isn't going to be as good as everyone thinks" and I started to see it for what it was.

Juno is too sassy for her own good. She's sarcastic and she knows it. She's so, so, so, so, SO pretentious. A hamburger phone? Oh my god, how ingenious. Honest to blog!

Let me just put this out there: I hate Diablo Cody. With every ounce I hate her. I don't care if she's local. She used to strip. Whoopdedoo. She also used to be a columnist for a publication I hate. She wrote a movie that tries too hard to be what it is.

A quirky indie comedy with laughs and heart and sharp wit. 

Let me just say again. A hamburger phone.

That is so kooky!

The inexplicable cameo by Rainn Wilson saying things like "your ego is preggo" and "what's the prognosis fertile myrtle?" made me roll my eyes so big I got dizzy. 

"That aint no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet"

Honest to blog.

Then there's the soundtrack. If I ever hear Kimya Dawson's boyish and whimsical voice again I will cry. Her songs that hammer indie into your head is enough to make anyone gag. So why is this movie so popular?

I wish I could say that people like Juno exist but I don't think they do. Nobody talks like she does. Nobody has a quirky obsession like Michael Cera's Paulie Bleeker does (red tic tacs? who thinks of this crazy stuff!)

I didn't hate Juno. The movie itself was actually alright in my honest opinion. It's what the damn movie has become. It's a monster, eating up all the attention that should go to well-deserving and amazing films like No Country for Old Men or There Will be Blood. (Not to say those two films are widely recognized as great.) 

It's nominated for FOUR Oscars. I understand Ellen Page for best actress and Diablo Cody for screenwriting but director? picture? Ugh. I hate Juno.

If this film hadn't tried so damn hard, I might actually like it. But thanks to the many many fans and support from film critics and naïve film-goers, I'm forced to hear every day about the little engine that could--and did--and probably will do for a long, long time.

Thanks Juno, for destroying my soul.